(*However family looks for you)
The hashtag “#BeKind” resurfaces regularly, yet kindness seems in short supply in the world we are currently living in.
Sometimes, those that espouse the “Be Kind” message are using it to tout their own beliefs; their meaning is, “be kind as long as you’re being kind to me, but not the people I refuse to be kind to or about”. And that is frustrating.
It can be tempting to wonder what the point is if there are people like that.
Sometimes it can feel like we, as individuals, can’t make a difference. “I’m only one person, so what can I do?”
Firstly, I’m a big believer in, if we were all to take one step, that’s 7 billion steps, which is astounding!
Secondly, we can all create a ripple effect.
There’s a lovely children’s story book, Ordinary Mary’s Extraordinary Day (links at the end of the blog).
At the beginning, Mary picks some fruit from a neighbourhood bush, then leaves a bowl full of the fruit on a neighbour’s porch. The neighbour is very grateful and, because she doesn’t know who left them, she decides to make five fruit pies to give to the people she thinks may have left them.
Those five people go on to do something kind for five more people, and so on. It’s only 15 steps on from Mary’s first act of kindness before everyone in the world is reached. That’s incredible!
Still not convinced you can make a difference? Let me change your mind, starting with the differences you can make at home.
What is kindness?
Kindness is choosing to do something that may help someone else feel good, or at least better, including ourselves. Those acts can be small or large, or somewhere in between.
There’s a meme that circulates on social media every now and then, where a woman says her boyfriend waves and smiles at everyone, including those people he doesn’t know, because he remembers reading about someone who chose to stay alive because someone waved and smiled at them in the street.
That can seem silly, but when I was in the depths of my mental health breakdown, many years ago, on the rare occasions I ventured out, if someone smiled at me, it meant so much! It meant that someone thought I was worthy of smiling at, which was another reason for me to stay here.
One small act of kindness, one smile, can make a huge difference.
Being kind can be giving yourself time to sit and have a cup of tea in peace, or making someone breakfast in bed. It could be getting a couple of bits of shopping for someone, or giving someone a quick call. Or being kind could be volunteering, donating money, or lots and lots of things in between.
There are probably a million or more acts of kindness, but, wonderfully, you can repeat the same act over and over and still make a positive impact.
There’s a meme that circulates on social media every now and then, where a woman says her boyfriend waves and smiles at everyone, including those people he doesn’t know, because he remembers reading about someone who chose to stay alive because someone waved and smiled at them in the street.
That can seem silly, but when I was in the depths of my mental health breakdown, many years ago, on the rare occasions I ventured out, if someone smiled at me, it meant so much! It meant that someone thought I was worthy of smiling at, which was another reason for me to stay here.
One small act of kindness, one smile, can make a huge difference.
Being kind can be giving yourself time to sit and have a cup of tea in peace, or making someone breakfast in bed. It could be getting a couple of bits of shopping for someone, or giving someone a quick call. Or being kind could be volunteering, donating money, or lots and lots of things in between.
There are probably a million or more acts of kindness, but, wonderfully, you can repeat the same act over and over and still make a positive impact.
Why is it important?
Kindness has been proven to boost our own mental health and wellbeing, as well as improving our mood and improving our self-esteem.
There is a mental health crisis, especially in young people. The World Health Organisation estimates that over 1 billion people are living with a mental health condition.
Encouraging kindness among our family can help boost a sense of belonging, and it can help us feel connected. It can also increase our happiness and raise our self-esteem. Don’t we all want that for the ones we love?
There is a mental health crisis, especially in young people. The World Health Organisation estimates that over 1 billion people are living with a mental health condition.
Encouraging kindness among our family can help boost a sense of belonging, and it can help us feel connected. It can also increase our happiness and raise our self-esteem. Don’t we all want that for the ones we love?
Kindness to ourselves
For many of us, it’s easier to show kindness to others, rather than ourselves, but, as this blog post is focused on the importance of kindness within families, I want you to start with being kind to yourself.
We often just carry on, pushing on through, aware of everything that needs to get done and feeling we are the only ones who can do it. It can feel like we’re on a constant hamster wheel, whilst also free-falling and drowning, and we’re trying to stay upright while all those feelings are happening?!
So, I want you to stop.
Just stop.
Take a deep breath.
Take another one.
Now, let’s continue.
What would happen if you really had to stop? What if all of the busy-ness you feel you have to do makes you ill and you have no choice but to stop? Most likely, you’d have feelings of guilt and failure because you can’t do everything you think you are supposed to do.
This is where self-kindness comes in; it helps you before you get to the point where you feel overwhelmed and have no choice but to stop.
It can be hard to fit time in for self-kindness, especially if you have young children at home, but there are ways it can be done, and there are many ways that you can share your time.
We often just carry on, pushing on through, aware of everything that needs to get done and feeling we are the only ones who can do it. It can feel like we’re on a constant hamster wheel, whilst also free-falling and drowning, and we’re trying to stay upright while all those feelings are happening?!
So, I want you to stop.
Just stop.
Take a deep breath.
Take another one.
Now, let’s continue.
What would happen if you really had to stop? What if all of the busy-ness you feel you have to do makes you ill and you have no choice but to stop? Most likely, you’d have feelings of guilt and failure because you can’t do everything you think you are supposed to do.
This is where self-kindness comes in; it helps you before you get to the point where you feel overwhelmed and have no choice but to stop.
It can be hard to fit time in for self-kindness, especially if you have young children at home, but there are ways it can be done, and there are many ways that you can share your time.
Dancing is kind
Dancing is great for increasing neurotransmitters – wonderful things that make us feel good – in our bodies, so dance together. Take turns picking music and set boundaries, for example, no moaning about the other person’s choice of songs, and no cutting them short, unless you all agree that’s acceptable for everyone’s song.
Setting those boundaries are a great way of modelling expected behaviour: I will do this for me and for us, and that’s what I want you to do, too. A child is more likely to follow the guidelines if they see their adult following them, whereas, if they know their adult will always give in to the child saying they want the song cut short, but not their chosen song, that becomes an activity that’s for them and not you, and vice versa.
Boundaries are also important when you do want to do things by yourself. When they’re younger and can’t be left alone for more than five minutes, implement things that can be done in that time. You can sit and have a quiet cup of tea while they look at a book, play, or watch one of their short programmes on tv. I know this can feel selfish, but it’s also beneficial to the child. When you demonstrate that it’s okay for you to take time out to rest and think, it’s okay for them to do it, too. We all need that time for ourselves, irrespective of age.
Setting those boundaries are a great way of modelling expected behaviour: I will do this for me and for us, and that’s what I want you to do, too. A child is more likely to follow the guidelines if they see their adult following them, whereas, if they know their adult will always give in to the child saying they want the song cut short, but not their chosen song, that becomes an activity that’s for them and not you, and vice versa.
Boundaries are also important when you do want to do things by yourself. When they’re younger and can’t be left alone for more than five minutes, implement things that can be done in that time. You can sit and have a quiet cup of tea while they look at a book, play, or watch one of their short programmes on tv. I know this can feel selfish, but it’s also beneficial to the child. When you demonstrate that it’s okay for you to take time out to rest and think, it’s okay for them to do it, too. We all need that time for ourselves, irrespective of age.
A whole day just for you
If you have others that can care for your child, maybe their other parent, a grandparent, a friend, establish a routine from early on that you get a “you day” every month, where you do whatever you need, whether that’s booking time with a friend without children, going for a haircut or spa, or going to a theme park with or without your children – whatever you want to do. As they get older, let them have ‘them days’, too. Those days will, probably, mostly include you until they are more self-sufficient, unless they want a sleepover at a favourite auntie’s house or something.
By modelling that it’s important for you to take care of your needs, they will learn that it’s important for them to take care of their needs, too. The lessons learned in childhood will last into adulthood. That means they’ll be passed on to future generations, spreading the kindness further.
By modelling that it’s important for you to take care of your needs, they will learn that it’s important for them to take care of their needs, too. The lessons learned in childhood will last into adulthood. That means they’ll be passed on to future generations, spreading the kindness further.
Kindness to others
Most of us who spend time with children will encourage sharing, and that’s a wonderful act of kindness; there are plenty more things you could do, too.
Being kind to fractious children
If they’re feeling a little fractious, say to them, when you feel a bit grumpy, something kind someone could do for you is to rub your feet, or to let you have a quiet five minutes (give choices for you so they know they can have choices, too) and that makes you feel happier.
Then ask them what kind thing you could do for them to help them feel happier. This will help them learn that kindness is about listening to someone and understanding their needs, as well as doing something kind for them.
Help a child care for others
If someone you both care about is having a tough time, ask them what they like for people to do when they are feeling sad. Then you tell them what you like people to do when you are sad. After that, decide together what kind thing you can do for the person you care about who is feeling sad.
It doesn’t have to be about spending money; in fact, many of the best acts of kindness cost nothing, like these:
Draw a card together,
Write a note,
Pick a flower from the garden or park (dandelions and daisies are usually free), or
Lend them a favourite cuddly toy to hug.
All of these things will be very much appreciated by the recipient. When they see how happy the person is, it will make the child enjoy other acts of kindness, too.
Be kind to strangers
Demonstrate that we can be kind to people we don’t know, too.
The child in your life could choose toys and clothes to donate to a charity shop or food bank for a child that doesn’t have what they do. Or they could do a sponsored something to raise money for a charity that helps children in another country.
Understanding others is kind
Use kindness to help explain the differences there are in the world. One of my favourite ways of sharing about differences is through storybooks.
There are such wonderful books available that cover everything! And they can be as obvious as you would like; for example, if you wanted to share about same sex parents in a very sensitive way, you could read And Tango Makes Three, which is a beautiful true story about two male penguins who adopt an egg together at an American zoo.
And then there are options where the story just happens to have gay parents, such as the Jodie Lancet-Grant’s books, or more explicit ones that can help a child understand how living with a Queer parent can be.
There are also many books about
Children with disabilities, including my own, inclusive children’s picture books;
Children from different races and cultures;
Children experiencing grief; and
Children living with mental health issues.
Pretty much anything you would like to talk to a child about, there’s a storybook about it. If you can’t find one for what you want to talk about, please get in touch, and I will see if I can find one for you.
Being kind to fractious children
If they’re feeling a little fractious, say to them, when you feel a bit grumpy, something kind someone could do for you is to rub your feet, or to let you have a quiet five minutes (give choices for you so they know they can have choices, too) and that makes you feel happier.
Then ask them what kind thing you could do for them to help them feel happier. This will help them learn that kindness is about listening to someone and understanding their needs, as well as doing something kind for them.
Help a child care for others
If someone you both care about is having a tough time, ask them what they like for people to do when they are feeling sad. Then you tell them what you like people to do when you are sad. After that, decide together what kind thing you can do for the person you care about who is feeling sad.
It doesn’t have to be about spending money; in fact, many of the best acts of kindness cost nothing, like these:
Draw a card together,
Write a note,
Pick a flower from the garden or park (dandelions and daisies are usually free), or
Lend them a favourite cuddly toy to hug.
All of these things will be very much appreciated by the recipient. When they see how happy the person is, it will make the child enjoy other acts of kindness, too.
Be kind to strangers
Demonstrate that we can be kind to people we don’t know, too.
The child in your life could choose toys and clothes to donate to a charity shop or food bank for a child that doesn’t have what they do. Or they could do a sponsored something to raise money for a charity that helps children in another country.
Understanding others is kind
Use kindness to help explain the differences there are in the world. One of my favourite ways of sharing about differences is through storybooks.
There are such wonderful books available that cover everything! And they can be as obvious as you would like; for example, if you wanted to share about same sex parents in a very sensitive way, you could read And Tango Makes Three, which is a beautiful true story about two male penguins who adopt an egg together at an American zoo.
And then there are options where the story just happens to have gay parents, such as the Jodie Lancet-Grant’s books, or more explicit ones that can help a child understand how living with a Queer parent can be.
There are also many books about
Children with disabilities, including my own, inclusive children’s picture books;
Children from different races and cultures;
Children experiencing grief; and
Children living with mental health issues.
Pretty much anything you would like to talk to a child about, there’s a storybook about it. If you can’t find one for what you want to talk about, please get in touch, and I will see if I can find one for you.
Creating a culture of kindness
There will always be people who don’t choose kindness but, as long as most of us do, we can make changes in our worlds, at home, locally, nationally, and globally – just like Ordinary Mary, we can cause ripple effects of kindness.
One of my favourite quotes is by the anthropologist Margaret Mead. She said: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.
So, let’s start creating the world we want to live in by being committed to practising regular acts of kindness, to ourselves, to those we love, and to those we don’t know, and spread the happiness everywhere.
If you would like some more ideas for acts of kindness, I have created a Kindness Calendar! When you sign up, you’ll receive an idea for an act of kindness to do every day for a month. You can sign up here: https://mailchi.mp/b3e9d58b3ff2/kindness-calendar-2026
There are also additional ideas for children to do.
And, if you’re struggling with the idea of being kinder to yourself, you can book a free 20-minute discovery call with me so you can see if working with me will help you see that you deserve all the kindness. Just email me here: vie@VIPempowerment.co.uk
Mental Health article on kindness: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide#:~:text=Those%20of%20us%20who%20are,and%20improve%20our%20emotional%20well%2Dbeing.
World Health Organisation mental health link: https://www.who.int/news/item/02-09-2025-over-a-billion-people-living-with-mental-health-conditions-services-require-urgent-scale-up
Hive link: https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Emily-Pearson/Ordinary-Marys-Extraordinary-Day/24601804 (Buying from Hive also means you can show an act of kindness by choosing your favourite local book shop to receive a percentage of the sales.)
Waterstones link: https://www.waterstones.com/book/ordinary-mary-s-extraordinary-day/emily-pearson/fumi-kosaka/9780879059781
Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ordinary-Marys-Extraordinary-Pearson-Hardcover/dp/B00M0DHZNA/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XFUvZ6LrIMyMmecYQXO-kOdP7-Lrw_xOf1MoH4XaMc3GjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.q2RmSwYJek7ihrSawn_CoTlkGTE-uAAVdkFk5gxnzzI&qid=1769422095&sr=1-1
One of my favourite quotes is by the anthropologist Margaret Mead. She said: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.
So, let’s start creating the world we want to live in by being committed to practising regular acts of kindness, to ourselves, to those we love, and to those we don’t know, and spread the happiness everywhere.
If you would like some more ideas for acts of kindness, I have created a Kindness Calendar! When you sign up, you’ll receive an idea for an act of kindness to do every day for a month. You can sign up here: https://mailchi.mp/b3e9d58b3ff2/kindness-calendar-2026
There are also additional ideas for children to do.
And, if you’re struggling with the idea of being kinder to yourself, you can book a free 20-minute discovery call with me so you can see if working with me will help you see that you deserve all the kindness. Just email me here: vie@VIPempowerment.co.uk
Mental Health article on kindness: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide#:~:text=Those%20of%20us%20who%20are,and%20improve%20our%20emotional%20well%2Dbeing.
World Health Organisation mental health link: https://www.who.int/news/item/02-09-2025-over-a-billion-people-living-with-mental-health-conditions-services-require-urgent-scale-up
Hive link: https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Emily-Pearson/Ordinary-Marys-Extraordinary-Day/24601804 (Buying from Hive also means you can show an act of kindness by choosing your favourite local book shop to receive a percentage of the sales.)
Waterstones link: https://www.waterstones.com/book/ordinary-mary-s-extraordinary-day/emily-pearson/fumi-kosaka/9780879059781
Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ordinary-Marys-Extraordinary-Pearson-Hardcover/dp/B00M0DHZNA/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XFUvZ6LrIMyMmecYQXO-kOdP7-Lrw_xOf1MoH4XaMc3GjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.q2RmSwYJek7ihrSawn_CoTlkGTE-uAAVdkFk5gxnzzI&qid=1769422095&sr=1-1
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